Frustrated or Disappointed with your Child?
“Patience is key in the journey of supporting your child.”
Do you have a child who is experiencing anxiety to an extent that it affects their functioning in daily life and possibly that of family members as well?
You may be familiar with the following few scenarios that we have come across:
A child who cries non stop, pulls your pants and runs after you when you walk away after dropping them off at their classroom 3 months into school.
A child who refuses to step out of the house to go to their friend’s birthday party which they have been looking forward to because they are fearful of the spider outside the door.
A child who will not speak to order food at restaurants even if they are very hungry and have the language to do so.
A child who diligently practices the piano in order to get a certification, but fails to attend the exam year after year because of a fear of performing in front of others.
In supporting your child with such level of anxiety, some of you may feel frustrated or disappointed over time. Frustration comes because progress is slow especially after months of intense support. Disappointment arises because you see your child coping with their anxiety in a situation but not in the same situation at other times. It is completely normal to feel this way. Experiencing such feelings frequently and for a prolonged period however, may affect your overall well-being. It is also not helpful to your child as you may respond to their anxiety in a way that escalates their distress, such as reprimanding them for their behaviours.
What can you do that will be helpful for yourself, and in turn, your child? One thing that you can do is to be patient! Remember that:
It is difficult for your child to deal with their anxiety too. Anxiety is not something they choose or want to have. It is not a feeling that they can get over just by someone telling them to do so or them managing to deal with it occasionally.
Anxiety can be persistent and hence, it is likely for one to be faced with many setbacks along the journey.
So whenever you find yourself feeling the slightest frustration or disappointment with your anxious child, tell yourself to be patient and remind yourself of the two points above. If needed, have your family members or friends help remind you. This way, you can continue the long journey of supporting your anxious child.
Yes, we know it is easier said than done. If we are intentional in telling ourselves to be patient and remembering the two points, we can see the benefits in ourselves and our children. Think about how you can be intentional. For example, you can simplify or rephrase the two points above and rehearse them to yourself often even when you are not feeling frustrated or disappointed so that in times when you feel that way, they come easily to your mind.
If you have tried and continue to feel frustrated or disappointed with your child, consider seeking help from a professional counsellor or speak to your regular general practitioner to find out where you can seek help.